the library ruins my life.

i knew it would, which is why i had avoided it... until i was forced to participate in "library adventure day" in critical writing. sounds cute and funny, doesn't it folks? well, let me tell you, it's anything but. friendships were almost destroyed, innocent bystanders were almost murdered.

up until last friday, i had avoided the library like the plague [so much so that it now enables me to say 'i avoid the plague like the library'.]. i hate the place. [granted, i had never been in it, but i attributed my loathe to my freshman year. i'm awful at directions and the first week of college i got lost on campus. every path i took led me back to the library. it was a bad movie where all i could find was the library. it was as if it was mocking my every move.] the library was my number one enemy.

lib and i were forced to put our differences aside last week, however, when my teacher was absent and informed us that while he was away, we were to have a "tour" of the library, complete with attendance and worksheet, which would be due on friday.

now, today was the day i decided to tackle the library again, for the last time. "library adventure day" meant i had to participate in a scholarly "scavenger hunt" of sorts. six numbers were on the sheet. didn't seem so bad. each number had about three things to do. resources to find, pages to photocopy. i cannot fully explain this worksheet without giving you an excerpt, so here it is:

2. a. Choose one of the following 20th-century poets and poems from your text [proceeds to list 12 options].
b. Do a search on the author and/or poem in the "Literary Index" database to find info on the author and poem in the various reference works.
c. Locate two of the reference books from your results list in the library. Make a copy of the first page of each entry.
d. From each essay, find a citation to another article or book on that author and/or poem. look up that citation in the library catalog. go to the stacks and locate the article in the relevant journal or book. Copy the first page of the article.

that was just number two. you probably skimmed over that part, right? it's hard to read, right? imagine being forced to read every word multiple times to make sure you're actually doing it correctly.

after about two and a half hours of looking through books and searching the online catalog, i began to go a little library-crazy. i found myself sitting on the floor in the book review index isle, laughing hysterically to myself. i had to put away the book and find my partner, who had not yet joined me in my insanity. apparently i need to chill. i admit outloud i can see how people just walk into a place and start shooting. i get loud, then quiet, then draw pictures. i note how the red pen i'm using looks unusally like blood as i draw a hand giving the middle finger. joey can't figure out the doorknob to leave the third floor and runs into the door.

hour four rolls around and we are slowly going our seperate ways. our feet are dragging as we walk up and down the stairs for the 12th time. our arms move slower as we put our copy card in the machines to print. joey runs into a door again. we start to get angry. patience is tested. "don't let the library ruin our friendship" is uttered more than once. microfilm is ripped while attempting to slide it in the viewing machine. i began to wish, sincerely, that i had brought my wallet... to ask a librarian if i paid her everything i had, if she'd do the rest of the sheet for me.

hour five brings hatred. hatred for the walls, the books, the microfilm, the cabinets, the professor, my life. joey still couldn't get a hang of the doorknob. luckily, this time i was there to witness it, giving me a perfect image for the next good while of someone running into a door. hard.

six o'clock comes... a good five hours at the library. luckily, no one was hurt in the finishing of the bogus "scavenger hunt", except perhaps my professor on friday, where i will proceed to raise my hand and ask him if he has finished the worksheet and is prepared to hand it in. i think he made us do it because he must be satan. i may give him the devil horns in class and see if he responds well.

perhaps he is a library nazi.