you're killing me, smalls.

i was thinking today that perhaps the worst [as well as best sometimes, i suppose] thing about being in a relationship to me is the responsibility of caring for someone else. maybe "responsibility" isn't the right word, but it seems sort of accurate.

let me give you an opposite example to help out my point: if a stranger walks up to you on the street and tells you that they don't like your outfit, it doesn't really bother you, except that maybe they're crazy for taking the time to tell you. if someone you've never seen before tells you that their plans that night have nothing to do with you, you shrug your shoulders. negative comments fly off of you as though you're made of teflon, and you're indifferent to pretty much anything and everything they say or do in their lives. indifference is a luxury when it comes to strangers, in my opinion. if you hate someone, you still care about the situation slash that particular person. you know you've moved on when you can honestly say you couldn't care less about what they were doing, or saying, or seeing.

i suppose you are beginning to see my point. when you care about someone, or something, you have the burden of caring about everything they say or do. how they live their lives affects you in some way or another, and that can be extremely obnoxious i'm realizing. sometimes i wish for indifference. it seems like such an easier way to go. alas, when i really truly care about someone, i seem to get angry within seconds, and am not able to let it go for ages. i will remember the situation that made me angry until i don't remember the relationship anymore... which is a long time.

this, my friends, blows my ass.

i don't really know how to explain it to the extent i'd like, to be quite honest. this doesn't quite cut it, but it's the best i can do.

it seems like such an opposite reaction at first glance: the more i care, the more annoyed i get, but it makes sense when looked at deeper... i guess. the problem is, i just don't know what to do about it.

maybe i'm just a weirdo. i mean, i know i'm a weirdo, but about this particular situation, i may be especially so.

oh, ps, customers at circuit city can eat a big fat one.