i should be sleeping.

i really honestly have nothing of interest to say. however, i have to be at work at 845 in the morning tomorrow, and so obviously, since i really need to, i can't sleep. i got around four or five hours of drunken sleep last night, got back home to waukesha, put in a movie, kept accidentally dozing off, so by 945 my lights were off as i was attempting to sleep. it is now about 1045 and apparently my body is too lazy or something.

it's very obnoxious.

so, consequently, i am here. writing about nothing, hoping it will bore me into a much much much needed sleep.

just a random side note about how lately "i can't help thinking" about jealousy. loyalties. [the quotes an obvious ode to carrie, sex and the city? you got it. you know it.] it's so freaking dumb how it seems the longer you seem to be in a relationship, although it should all fade away, it just seems more prominent to me. i mean, it sort of makes sense: the longer you're with someone, the more invested you become, the more vulnerable you make yourself to said someone, the harder you will hurt later. but it all is just a huge hassle. i swear, i have spent half of my life in relationships attempting to convince myself that a) if they didn't want to be with me, they wouldn't be, and b) i really need to just worry about this minute, this day, and stop flipping out about things that haven't even happened yet.

pretty f'ing stupid, if you ask me. this whole "hard" relationships thing. you'd really think that as i got older, my issues would cease. alas. they seem to come back full force with every year that passes. what am i going to do when i'm like, thirty? if i'm not married by then, will i still be going through these same issues or will i mature out of them? because i know i'm young now, but i was young at 17, and i feel i'm sort of the same person, just at a different level. whatever. just a random note.

i just wish everything was easier. but the easy stuff isn't really worth it, is it? or am i just convincing myself of an un-truism?