i'd rather be procrastinating.

you know those stupid, stupid bumper stickers that people either get for free, or... well, if they purchase them themselves are just sad and pathetic... that say things like "i'd rather be driving a [insert golf brand of clubs here]" or "i'd rather be fishing" or "skateboarding" or "washing my lovely pet poodle daisy" and so on? i would like my non existent sticker, i have just recently decided, to say "i'd rather be procrastinating".

the more i think about it, it's not even as though i'd rather be doing it, i would just prefer never to have to do things someone tells me i have to do at all. this goes for school, first and foremost - what if i don't want to post on your stupid grammar excercise online - but i suppose could also be applied to my everyday life - i have a hard time with things like thank you cards [although they always get done i seem to just put them off until i can't stand the sight of them lying on the counter anymore], and other things that are considered "neccessary" for the day, the week, the month, whatever.

i'm starting to think i need to get my act together.

it's not that i don't ever do the "important" things [who's to say what's important, anyway], although i really didn't post for modern grammatical theory this week, it's just that my body goes into fits if i try to finish something early. and by early, i obviously mean anytime prior to the 10 hours before an assignment is due, a day before my head will explode if someone asks me about it one more time, a few seconds before i set things on fire. [just kidding on that last one sort of.]

i should really see someone about this.

here i sit, nothing really to do [and by nothing i mean organizing my classes out and reading for world of ideas...] and thinking about how i should really work on it... yet i can't really bring myself to do so.

any suggestions? help wanted desperately.

"sure."

random fact: "sure" is possibly my least favorite word in the english language. if i ask you a question, and you respond with a "sure," it is telling me that although you are agreeing/complying, you would prefer not to.

if you wanted to do something, it would be a "yes," an "of course," or something of that nature. "sure" contains apathy, if only a hint of it.

some disagree with me, but i don't care, this is what i feel.

in a social setting, if a question is posed re: the plans for the evening, such as, "do you want to go to a movie?" if "sure" is the answer that follows, my overanalyzing brain thinks that you don't care and are just saying "sure" to make me happy. you're complying with me because your apathy is too great to give a yes or a no answer.

in a work setting, if a question such as "would you like a bag?" is responded to with a "sure" i can't help but think that it should be a no. if you want a bag, i'll give you one. if you're apathetic, i'll give it to the next person that the bag will actually help. if you're not sure, or don't care, please don't waste the environment.

it's actual definition, that of the real word, "surely," is obviously one of certainty. however, in my mind, there is apathy found in the new version... this shorter, less interested, "sure," that is usually accompanied by a shrug of the shoulders.

whatever. i quit:) i overanalyze things, and i'm not really angry about the use of this word, i just don't really understand it.

stay classy.

uninspired.

[just an fyi, i've been extremely unmotivated when it comes to this as of late. i try to find things that inspire me to sit down and write about, but lately i've just been at a loss. it's getting harder to find things that aren't the intimate details of my life nor so generic it's boring...]

so... about this new year. doesn't feel any different than the one that just finished. i suppose it's quite amazing to look at where i was at the beginning of last year, and compare how completely different my life seems now... but that's about it. i can do that any day of the year. i don't really get the whole big thing. i feel like i should at least be taller, my boobs bigger, my hair longer... something should be different about me when i put up a new calendar. alas. same all around.

this year my new year's night went as follows: a stop at becca's after dinner with sarah, her parents, and andy, which ultimately just made me sleepy. after that was sarah's, where tim, andy, sarah and i proceeded to have a few drinks and play catch phrase. after a few rounds everyone got sleepy. a movie was put on and sarah and i proceeded to fall asleep. consequently there was no countdown, no drunken debauchery, just some pillows and a few whispers of "happy new year". i'm such a holiday grinch.

my only serious resolution: accept and move on.

oh 2006, what do you have for me? bring it on, i say... bring. it. on.