[insert witty/creative/intelligent title here]

i used to write. nothing extremely elequent, nothing to be published, nothing to win a pulitzer, but i wrote. it was for myself, or occasionally the eyes of someone involved, and it helped me deal. helped me cope. i think maybe i should try to start again.

i'm not entirely sure what happened, but i have found myself in a life rut. emotional, physically, intellectually... stagnant.

in the past i used to fluctuate rather consistently between good moods and bad moods, but now i kind of feel as though i am in a constant state of apathy. nothing is really wrong in my life, which, i am aware, makes me sad and pathetic in a lot of ways regarding my current state... i just want some... excitement. something different. some random moments to remember forever, some interesting people to pop randomly up in my life and stick around for a tish... some food to be newly discovered by my taste buds... some book to make me want to run home to reopen... something to pique my interest or insight or intelligence - something that makes me feel creative or admired or smart or... something. i'm looking for that something.

i want to be enraptured.

i want to move to a place where no one knows me, yet feels like home.

i want to be a friend that i would like to have myself... i want to be someone i'd like to be around.

i want to start writing again, for my own sake, not for someone else to read and tell me what they think.

i want to see that look again...
i want to be the reason for a smile.

i want to accept and move on.

i want to move on.

fluctuation is my new goal. and for a creature of habit, it should be a nice change.

i kind of just want to be happy, stop overanalyzing, and accept the fact that if people are insistent upon judging me, they'd leave.

if people were unhappy around me, they wouldn't stay. right?

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