floating along.

fyi, i just wrote out several different paragraphs and decided that every single one of them really had no point and were just failed attempts to overanalyze myself, as per usual.

after deleting and restarting about four times, i decided it was all for naught, and thought i should move on. sink or swim, so they say.

so, i suppose all i really wanted to say is that i am tired. physically and mentally.

also, random fact, i would really [and this makes me sound like such a girl, but whatever...] like someone to pull me into a hug.

fact: i would like for everyone to stop being afraid all of the time of everything.

i watched "shopgirl" tonight... you know, that steve martin movie that he wrote based on his novella? well, either way, it was surprisingly poignant and fabulous, and i have decided to end with a quote, purely because the movie really "pulled my heart strings" [is that still a saying?].




"Some nights alone, he thinks of her. And some nights alone, she thinks of him. Some nights these thoughts occur at the same moment, and [they] are connected without ever knowing it."

wise things.

i used the saying "oh, it's just semantics" today while two people were discussing something or another that eludes me now. nonetheless, i threw out a saying i'm pretty sure i've heard spoken aloud once in my whole entire life... maybe... it might have been in a book or a movie or something not as exciting... and it made me laugh for a very long time. consequently, i felt the need to record this moment in time. maybe i will futher be able to utilize this saying in the future [preferably when i am teaching your children someday] now that i know it is possible.




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random note, i found this saying and thought it applicable to my daily life.

"There will always be time for us to stress, and to worry about our future, and to cry, and to have our hearts broken. I just hope we never get too serious."

amen, brother.

i need a life coach and other random fyi's.

i've gotten progressively worse at showing up when i'm supposed to at work. i'm generally not late, but lately i've been having significant issues with showing up early, or, such as today, on days i am not even scheduled. oops.

my mom wanted a fish sandwich since i was coming home early today, and on my mission back i definitely got a speeding ticket. the stupid man saved me $25 by bringing my speed down three miles per hour, but i still lost four points. so, 815am court for me sometime after school is out. can't wait!!!!

i've decided recently i need a life coach. brett told me everyone hits a rough patch every now and again, but i'm pretty sure i've been in a rough patch rut lately and could really use some help. i thought maybe i had it under control, but i have discovered it's up in the air.

"nobody knows" by pink is my new favorite song. i love her new cd. yes, i'm attempting to dip back into my girl roots, having listened to acoustic men or whiny boys for the past couple years, i thought i should get back to my guilty pleasures. you know, rocking out to kelly clarkson's "walk away" with the windows down, shedaisy's "i'm takin' the wheel", busting out a little avril lavigne while showering... all good things. it will probably last a week or two, but hey, for now i can't get enough pop rocky girl-angst.

i watched brokeback mountain today. i'd like to have all these lovely things to say about it, but really the first hour was incredibly slow... kind of like watching a pbs documentary on the wyoming mountains or something. then came one very graphic sex scene that i probably could have done without. after that, it was more of a life story. i enjoyed that part; there was no more graphic sex and instead just a sweet interpretation of a forbidden love. not that i'm trying to be a bigot; graphic sex between anyone in movies seems to be gratuitous in more ways than not. bottom line, i'm glad i saw it i suppose.

amusing anecdote: my 89 year old grandpa lives in an elderly home, and they are taken out on miscellaneous field trips fairly often. the last one was to a movie - brokeback mountain. a bus full of elderly people from a not-so-liberal generation were driven to see a movie based around a passionate love between two men. my grandpa said it was one of the worst movies he'd ever seen, and all it was about was "two guys trying to get in each other's pants the whole time", and he was clueless as to how anyone cared about it. fairly amusing, but honestly who set that trip up?

i am fairly certain that the people that sit down in class with their headphones turned up so loud i can sing along word for word are idiots. are you trying to impress the class with your taste in music [that, to be honest, probably sucks anyway]? are you proving to me that you are mildly deaf and need your volume turned up to 110 decibels even though you have those "cool" ipod ear buds that are placed INSIDE your ear already... how loud does it have to be, really? don't make me bring my headphones in purely to get away from yours. it's a personal device. keep it to yourself.

someone had a bumper sticker in front of me yesterday that said "don't follow me... i'm lost". it made me laugh out loud and i think i would like to find one. it was a guy in a white pickup truck, too, which surprised me. you'd think it could at least be found on some kind of vehicle with a girl behind the wheel. maybe that's just my stereotype. maybe b/c i've never met a boy who couldn't find his way anywhere. either way, i chuckled and i'd like to find one, b/c i'm pretty sure i could get lost in my kitchen if i got distracted.

i want to be asked to dance. a slow one, preferably, but i suppose i won't be picky. who are we kidding, i'm picky. i'd like to be asked to dance to something pretty or trendy or lovely by someone that matters.

i want to be asked to a movie. to dance, or a movie. ask away if you matter.

i would rather do my homework than go to work tomorrow. and that's a big deal.

i'd like to be okay.

i'd like you to call me.

ani-mate-ing

just an fyi:

i was watching a show on the animal planet the other day, i couldn't tell you what it was called nor what it was really about, but the five minutes i watched before turning away focused on mating koala bears. i understand that in certain circumstances, some animals may need help procreating, but it seems like a terrible time if you're a female.

the zookeepers featured in this show would simply place a female on a branch of some sort until she hung on, then hook a male koala on the same branch right on top of the female's bottom. she would just sit there, and either the male would take her or just climb slowly down to a different section, probably making her feel terrible about herself.

the first mate was apparently not good enough for mr. male, so they simply replaced her with another girl. tried again, failed. the keepers proceeded to blame the branch, and put both koalas on a different log.

i was driving home from school a couple of days later, and in passing a dairy farm, was lucky enough to see a herd of cows surrounding a mounted female. by mounted, i mean she was just moseying along, minding her own business, doing cow-ish things, and a random cow reared up just enough to get on her back. she just kept moseying along until he'd fall off, and he'd have to try again.

today, i was letting my dog outside and on the screen door was a box elder bug [i think that's what they're called; scary black and red things that invade my yard] latching on to the back of another, who was trying to have none of it, scurrying along trying to knock him off.

i kid you not, these have really been in my life. i don't know if this is just the season to get busy, but it really makes me happy to be a human. i mean, if i were just on the street, stopping to look at a window display, and some guy liked the perfume i was wearing or something and proceeded to mount me, penis out, i'd take issue with that. file a report or something.

these poor female animals have no choice. they're just minding their own business until, bang, something is trying to get them pregnant. it's all just so shocking to me.

i wonder if they're cynical, or if they'd roll their eyes if they were capable of it.

just another reason why the male species of pretty much everything is unreliable. and selfish.

what's the animal that mates for life? geese? if i have to come back someday as an animal, i'd like to be one of those.

whatever the opposite of "c'mon get happy" would be.

lame things. otherwise known as aspects of life that generally have an ability to put a damper on my day:

~ not being able to fall asleep.

~ having more than one class. that is, showing up to more than one class. mmm. class at all.

~ falling asleep in class and realizing my mouth was wide open. cute.

~ running out of carmex.

~ historical fiction.

~ super windy days that plaster my stupid hair to my carmexed mouth.

~ formal politeness from people i know too well.

~ that little tug on my heart; that feeling like someone is sitting on my chest. esp after said formal politeness.

~ bird poop in my hair.

~ a cold, lonely bed that still has the imprint of days when it wasn't.

~ the future. that is, the thought of any day past today.

~ the growing up and apart of old friends.

~ cold feet crying out for fuzzy, warm socks.

~ jealousy.

~ false expectations; incorrect assumptions.

~ liars. esp when it comes to emotions, relationships, or anything related to me.

~ consistent inconsistencies.

~ ladybug swarms.

~ college basketball.

~ waking up at 630am.

~ going it alone.

~ my lame computer from 1995.

[fyi.]

21... not so overrated.

random fact: i enjoy certain aspects of being 21. having never received an underage drinking ticket, and being free to go to a bar after work without worrying about really anything [aside from the random stares at the uniforms..........], is quite fantastic. hooray drinking in public places.

[side note: i saw a guy in some of my classes there who, semi-drunkenly, asked me about one of my professors. i got a hearty laugh out of it.]

random fact 2: boys are interesting creatures. all of them, really. it's amazing how different having a penis makes you. i was talking to one of them [a male, that is] at work that forced me to conduct a mini-survey re: clothes during sex. apparently if a male leaves on his shirt and nothing else [except maybe socks...... socks and a shirt, but no pants... doesn't that just remind you of a little kid runnign away from a bath?], it is a tie on weirdness. [half say they've done it, half laughed.] seriously though, you can't take the three seconds to take it off? why doesn't the girl take it off? leaving the other drawed survey, whose job is it to remove said clothing. i always thought it was the other person's job. although i suppose i never really though about it, having never necessarily needed to.

sigh. i heart being able to get buzzed and write in my journal blogger after a smoky night in a bar. is this even coherent? i suppose i'm too tired to care. fjdkla;glskj

i'm going to go have some rice crispie treats cereal. you should have some; it's quite exceptional.