it has been awhile.

i had a desire to begin typing again last week... to try to get back on a more regular blogging schedule... but i never know what stories to tell or what to talk about after staying silent for so long. ah well, perhaps this post will get my writings going once again.

my field study ends this week... i can't really believe how fast it went. it feels like the kids are just getting to know me, and it makes me sad to think i won't get to see them or teach them again.

it's been kind of a rough ride, although my cooperating teacher has made it 4,000 times easier. she is in her 5th year of teaching, so she isn't much older than i am, and incredibly understanding. she has helped me through these weeks without ever making me feel as though i'm an idiot for not understanding something, and she's pushed me in the direction of actually becoming a teacher without being... pushy. i wish she taught high school so i could be her student teacher next semester. i have a strong feeling that whoever my next teacher is won't even come close to the one i have now, although i hope he or she does, for my own sake.

i received the highest scores available in every category when my university supervisor came to watch me teach, and i only have my cooperating teacher to thank. i mean, i'm sure i should give myself some credit, because i don't think that everyone would do a great job even if they were handed the material to cover... right?

regardless, it has been a great experience overall and has re-affirmed my confidence in becoming a teacher. most days, at least. the days inbetween are filled with naughty or difficult students, and the ever-present struggle of class discussions that leave me at the front of the room with 30 pairs of eyes blankly staring at me instead of 30 hands shooting up in the air to answer my questions. hopefully everything will come together as i get more experience.

speaking of experience, i have to quit procrastinating and finish my pronoun lesson for tomorrow... slash get my thoughts together re: a poem we went over today that went straight over their heads... and almost mine too. i don't know how i'm going to teach the things that i didn't like in school, either... hopefully i find a way to make it semi-engaging for both the students and myself...

epiphany.

i couldn't fall asleep tonight. as i was setting my current book on the floor next to my bed to try to sleep for the third time, my eye caught a number of misc. items on the bottom shelf of my night stand - a shelf stuffed with random things i haven't looked at in years. i saw a few pages of typed text and pulled them out of their place between memories.

stuck between a note and an anonymous poem was a letter i received in august of 2004.

an excerpt:

"Lauren, you are great. Sometimes you can be a little cantankerous, but I don't mind. I like it. I like you. I would not trade this summer for anything. It was GREAT. Wasn't it?"

the paragraph that follows, one that i am happy to be able to keep for myself, that noone will ever read, that the sender will never remember... almost restored my faith in the human race... or at least boys. i had forgotten that it IS possible to find someone that will love you for everything that you are... cantankerous nature and all. for some reason, i had forgotten that, and/or never believed it.

i'm glad i found the email letter, sent to my old aol account that i almost forgot i had. it was a bittersweet read, but i know i will now remember it for a long time.

now, back to the long and lonely search for another one like that. 123 go.