directionless.

i asked for a gps for a graduation present in the spring, but i'm fairly certain i should have been gifted one when i passed my drivers test.

i have never, ever, been able to find my way around. when i was in high school it was definitely due to lack of trying, b/c i would stash hand-drawn maps to each of my friends' houses in my glove compartment and rely on them the first 47 times i went to see them, or pick them up, and consequently i never learned anything because i knew i could just verify where i was going on my map.

nowadays i just genuinely never know how to get anywhere, ever. i don't know any directions - if you ask me what compass direction i live in waukesha, as some sunday regulars at kahuna's did, i have to shrug and explain that i can't even point out east unless the sun is rising. if i drive somewhere once, i will not be able to go back home without a map or directions, even though i just drove there.

what is the museum curator's name in the third indiana jones movie? a friend called me by his name for a solid month because that guy was said to "get lost in his own museum."

i went to madison a couple weeks ago and had to hang up my phone mid-drive, explaining that i needed to concentrate on where i was on the freeway. the person on the other end laughed and said it was just an exit off of the freeway, no big deal, to which i patiently explained that i can barely find the bathroom in my apartment, let alone a road i need to be on.

i have no idea how i am so directionally challenged, but i hate it. i hate the uneasy feeling of not knowing where i am or where my destination is.

i got lost in the streets of lacrosse last night, scared that i would be wandering around until i somehow stumbled into the river. i was not drunk enough to not be terrified that i was lost in a random city, and got sincerely upset about it. luckily, i found my way eventually and convinced everyone to go home because i was so traumatized.

on my drive home today i missed my exit. i was probably so focused on passing people, while cursing under my breath at the slow drivers in the left hand lane, that i stopped paying attention. if i had a gps system, at least i would have heard a voice encouraging me to make the next legal u-turn, for i had passed my destination exit.

i drove 12 exits past my exit, because it took me a solid three or four just to make sure i was, in fact, going the wrong way, and that the exit numbers were indeed increasing when i needed them to be doing the opposite.

i was proud of myself for managing to get off the freeway and back on going the correct direction.

i rely far too heavily on friends and people i date. i don't know what i would do if i started dating someone that didn't know their way around. to be honest, i would be annoyed and add it to a list of qualities i could do without in a mate. it's always been a very comforting feeling, most likely because i am unable to navigate three blocks away from my apartment, so when someone can direct me, or knows where i am or how to get me home when i am lost... well, there's a security of sorts in that.

ugh. maybe if i'm really good santa will bring me a fail-safe gps for christmas, and i can start directing everyone for a change.