good.

i had a good night.

i say it simply because it surprises me still, after having an hour or so to mull it over.

i feel bad that i didn't give my ex-boyfriend enough credit in my head. i assumed that, like his cordial, pleasantry-filled email, he would be an odd, closed-off version of himself when i saw him for the first time in almost... well, i just looked at a calendar and it's been three months to the day. it feels like a hell of a lot longer. maybe my math is incorrect.

regardless, he was able to remind me why we were what we were; why we got along so well outside of a relationship context. we are good together as friends. we've always been easy friends. it's just that everything else was too hard.

i think the day i saw him fell at a time in my life where i am satisfied and comfortable. if it would have happened any earlier, i'm not sure i would have been able to handle it with such... aplomb. but i believe i have had enough time to start figuring out my life that it was easier to accept, move on, and be happy. for both of us.

i am happy to say i am on my way. moving ahead. i wasn't sure... i assumed that there would be a possibility that all of the work i've put into moving past the past would be squashed by the mere sight of him. alas, i am still alive, in one piece, mental stability exactly where it was prior to paddy's pub. i didn't give myself enough credit either.

it's good. really good. i regret thinking that he would be anything less than what he was. i miss him as my easiest friend. probably will for a super long time. but it's a relief to know that the possibility of an okay status between us exists. and i'm glad i know that if i ever run into him again, it won't be nearly half as terrible as i was anticipating.

i like to think that maybe, now, if we ever reach friendship status, i will get offered the last grape in the bowl if i visit someday? :)