i have gained approximately eight pounds.

i'm not sure when this occurred exactly, but i'm definitely starting to see, and feel, the effects.

i have eaten culver's chili cheese fries more times than i can count in any given three month period since i was 15. why three months? because i could probably count any time span less than that. [anywhere from three to eight times a month.] okay, so i could probably count three months. it's a rarity if i go one week without ordering the comfort-snack.

even this picture makes my mouth water.

it may sound gross, but to me it's delicious, and has never mattered before this school year. maybe it's because i no longer go to college and consequently no longer do things like walk more than the distance from my classroom to the copy machine, maybe it's because i'm getting older, maybe it's because my body is just finally saying 'enough'. either way, i used to revel in the fact that i could eat most anything while others sometimes had to watch it.

obviously i was never hard as a rock, fit as a fiddle, or toned whatsoever; i've always been soft all over, but never too self conscious about anything.

maybe the fact that i eat more than my boyfriend has something to do with my new-found self-consciousness, although i feel as though that's been the case since i was 16. maybe it is the fact that he makes an effort to go to the gym multiple times a week, while i hit the culver's drive-thru again. or maybe it's just the simple fact that i can't walk up the three flights of stairs when i substitute on the third floor without getting seriously winded and stopping at the bubbler.

regardless of what it is, i don't like it.

however, i've never had the willpower to do pretty much anything, let alone set myself up with a workout/diet plan. i don't even necessarily want to lose boatloads of weight, i just don't want to gain anymore weight.

everyday i say to myself, 'tomorrow i will have smaller portions... but today i'll have six pieces of pizza and an entire bag of ceasar salad.' who am i?! it's like i'm eating to get into the higher weight class in wrestling.

ah well. maybe... next week i'll start looking at gym packages.