there should be a law.

random side note: someone at work yesterday commented that he was "very attracted" to a woman customer. i have decided to start using this phrase seeing as how no one ever says anything besides "he's hot" or attractive or whatever. since attractiveness is relatively nothing more than someone's opinion, i think it's a more applicable statement. besides, saying you're attracted to someone is excusable in life, since i don't think it is controllable. that said.

michael p.

that's what my technician's name tag said when i was called in for my heart monitor how-to. mike, as he proceed to call himself on the phone to the cardiac center, was about 25, and, to be quite honest, i was "very attracted" to.

his hands were shaking as he was highlighting the information i needed to keep, most likely because i could sue him if he touched me wrong.

when i noticed this, i became a bit uncomfortable. i've never had a male doctor-ish person that has been under the age of 50. i began to realize that this person was going to have to hook wires up to my chest. his hands were still shaking after he finished explaining what i needed to know. when he was finished setting up what i needed to adhere to myself, he couldn't look me in the eye.

"do you mind if i do this, or would you rather have me grab a female?" he asked as he walked toward the door of the tiny room.

"um, it doesn't matter, i don't care, um, yeah whatever, i don't care... it... doesn't matter..." i stammered, questioning my response.
was i supposed to say yes?
did this make me some weirdo in the fact that i didn't ask him to get a woman?

the room got smaller.

"alright well i just need you to unzip your sweater."

i took it off. then remembered he only told me to unzip it. shit. i was officially a weirdo.

"okay, see, these three adhesives go on three quadrants of your torso. white goes here, black, then red." he drew imaginary lines and pointed to his chest. i didn't know if i should sit or stand.

"i'm going to lift your shirt a little here. alright, there's red. now this side is black. this last one goes on the top..."

we both entered the city of awkward as i lifted my shirt up, as though i was flashing him. i don't think he'd ever adhered one to someone so fast.

we then started chatting; making jokes when i told him i didn't want to look like a dork with a pager, and i really didn't want it to beep during class. he talked to me about whitewater, some random house parties, and asked, "you're never going to wear this, are you?" i said sure i was, the sooner i got it over with, the better. he handed me a bag of supplies and said, "here's your bag; you could carry it around with you and feel even better about yourself."

"awesome."

"we could get you a hat and a t-shirt made, let everyone know you have to wear this."

was he flirting with me? this was unacceptable. in a good way.

we part ways, i go back to my mom, he goes behind the counter. we wave as i walk away.

my mom's eyes go wide. "THAT was who did it for you?"

"yeeep."

"wow. uncomfortable?"

"yeeep."

my mom proceeded to joke about how i should have asked him for his phone number in case i had any "technical problems". she told me i had cute bras and that he was probably thinking "va va voom". this from my mother.

i told steve about it, and he said he doesn't think he could be a doctor and look at attractive girls without sneaking a peak. there was no need to sneak today.

there should be a law against young attractive doctors or doctor-ish men that have to look at the chests of girls that are technically in their age range. awkward all around.

maybe i should have said i needed a woman, but where's the fun in that?