livin' the single life.

it has taken a few months, but i have come to terms with, and actually started to begin appreciating, life without a boyfriend. i don't think i have been alone this long... ever... and i am actually learning some things.

a few reasons i am glad i am single:

1. i can relax. i never realized how crazy i really was in relationships until i looked back. began to erase. etc. i think the fact that i hadn't really been alone greatly contributed to an increased sense of insecurity. it makes me sad that it took not being with someone to get that. alas, how else could i figure it out; it's true what they say, that you have to be comfortable with yourself before you can be with anyone else? i have a little ways to go, but i am enjoying myself on the way.

2. it is nice not to worry about someone else's schedule for once. i know some people aren't like this, but when i'm in a relationship, i consider that person in pretty much everything i do, regardless of whether they do the same. work schedules, parties, drinks, anything. what are they doing? when will i see you? should i take off? when should we meet? now, i go here. i go there. i work. i take off. done.

3. i see friends more. for some reason, when i am with someone, i want to be with them a lot. borderline an unhealthy amount. give me the option and i will most likely choose to hang out with significant other, even if it's just laying around.

those being said, i obviously miss having a consistent companion occasionally. i miss not caring how i look when i go out or am alone because someone out there loves me. i miss the days of being bored and lazy with someone who felt the same way; avoiding the world by laying around together. i miss consistent snuggling with someone that isn't just "putting in the time to do the crime" or whatever lame saying i heard a boy say the other day. i miss sharing things, whether it be stories about my day, good times, whatever. not having a go-to for lame events is kind of a bummer as well. noone that knows when i need a hug. noone to steal legit kisses from.

ah well. what are you gonna do. the positives are a necessity at the moment, and i am fairly certain i need this time for myself. to figure things out, get my head straight.

sigh.